Remembering the end of pregnancy

Kind of like a "Things I Don't Want to Forget" entry at this point, but better late than never.

We moved to the new apartment when I was 37 weeks pregnant.  And Shanghai was hot, hot, hot.  And I was tired.  And Harper was excited.

I entertained her (perhaps too often) with episodes of "Yo Gabba Gabba" and cuddles.

Our normal TV watching pose

Harper would climb into my lap and make herself comfortable by leaning on the bump.  Sometimes, she would even bring a snack.  The cuddling became routine, and I enjoyed time with my toddles each day.  Neil added a few movies to our routine- the biggest hits were "Aladdin" and "Monster's Inc."  

Another day, another cuddle.  Excuse the swollen... well, everything.

I thanked God every single day for Ayi Wu.  She adores Harper, and Harper loves playing with Ayi.  Their relationship allowed me to rest and have some time to adjust to Shanghai on my own terms before  baby Quinn arrived.  

The bumpdate post

I generally don't talk about this stuff on the interwebs.  Part modesty, part fatigue from the same kind of updates over and over, part "do people really want to know about this?"  I am putting this post together based on the FAQ I get from friends and family and based on the other types of posts I see out there in blogland.  If you are curious about an aspect of the "pregnant in another country" vibe that I don't cover, feel free to ask in a comment.

Okay, so first.  I am pretty darn pregnant.  I sent Neil a text today that read, "Not to alarm you or anything, but we are having a baby in less than a month.  HOLYSHIT!"  His response, "What?!?!?"

God bless that man.

We are scheduled for a c-section on August 10, 2012 to welcome our little girl, Quinn Scarlett, to the family.  Here is a picture from a week ago- excuse the self-portrait, but my husband is traveling a ton.  I realized that I had very few pics of this pregnancy, so I decided to snap one while I was thinking about it.

Yes, I used the Instagram version.  It was cropped already, and I am lazy.  

In that shot, I am 33 weeks and a couple days.  I swear the belly has grown inches since then.  I had a play group that week, and when a mom from that group saw me the other day, she commented on how much the belly had grown. (Yes, in a tactful way.  It was sweeter than it sounds.)

Let me talk a minute about pregnancy and moving to another country.  Yes, it is daunting.  I loved my doctors in Atlanta.  I was sad to leave their practice and comfort.  When I did my research online using search engines and  message boards, I found that there were many viable options for birth here that were extremely similar to the US.  I even started an email relationship with someone who writes about health care in Shanghai- specializing in women's care- and she was a few months ahead of me in her third pregnancy.  I came around to the idea.

Neil and I had many discussions about what was best for our family.  First priority, of course, was the health of both the baby and me.  We decided our second priority was to keep the family together as much as possible; though the idea of moving out of my medical comfort zone was daunting, even more so was the idea of living separate lives for months while he started a new job and I went through third trimester.   Not to mention separating Neil and Harper for months with only a couple visits.  Since I decided that it was a viable option to have the baby in China, we set up two main criterion for the final choice.  If the anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks found no complications or problematic developments, we would take a second trip to China to meet doctors and tour hospitals.  As long as I was happy with what I found, we would move here as a family.

The ultrasound was perfectly fine, and my doctors saw no medical reason to stay in the US.  The hospital tours and doctors I met were lovely, though different than their US counterparts, and I was able to easily decide which hospital and which doctor I preferred.  The hospitals I saw were private, international hospitals.  Very expensive for most people who don't have insurance- and can be expensive for those whose coverage does not extend as far as others.  Luckily, we have excellent coverage with Neil's company and our costs won't be much different than Harper's birth.  

I went in with a long list of questions for the doctors, and the answers were the same as they were in the States- Husband in the OR was fine, c-section procedure the same, rooming in with baby fine, duration of stay, recovery, tests and appointment schedule, all the answers were exactly what my doctor at home would have said.  The rooms were nice; the hospital clean.  I saw good practices as far as masks and gloves and hand-washing and all that jazz.  The biggest difference here is that the doctor's offices are in the hospital not a separate shop.  So the vibe of the basic appointment feels more like you've gone to the ER.  They also do "package deals" were you can pay a set discounted price for all your prenatal tests and care at once- and then they have packages for birth as well.  Seems strange at first, but I guess it makes sense when you want someone to have comprehensive care.  And no, we did not get the package deal.  Doesn't make sense this late in the game.  

I'll do a more detailed comparison of the care later.  I've only done three appointments here including the initial visit, so I have more to learn and experience before I feel comfortable commenting in full.  As of right now, I feel quite good about my level of care and my doctors.  

I have also planned a post about the cultural differences around pregnancy and birth here versus the States.  The customs and practices are different, and I am finding it interesting to navigate the social mores and taboos. 

I'll end with a short and sweet Q & A that is popular among pregnant mommy bloggers.  Again, laziness abounds.   

How far along? 34 weeks and 5 days

Last appointment: Pretty basic, but did include a growth scan.  Happy to report that the little one is at 38% for her gestational age and predicted to be around 7 lbs at birth.  I know to many of you that sounds small, but Harper was less than five pounds at birth and came home at 4 lbs, 10 oz.  Seven pounds sounds HUGE to us.  (For those who may not know, I had a medical condition last pregnancy that required 12 weeks of bed rest and delivery just before 37 weeks.  Harper was perfectly healthy but a small baby to begin with)Total weight gain/loss: Still at a loss of around 23 lbs.  The hypermesis (fancy name for my-morning-sickness-never-ended-and-was-crippling-my-life-so-I-have-drugs-to-help-me-cope) is still around though better than it was.  I have leveled off the losing, though I did drop a little this last appointment.  Nothing of concern though. 
Maternity clothes? All of them.  
Stretch marks? I didn't get as lucky this time around, and I have a few battle scars on the belly.  I'm fine with it though.  I earned them. 
Sleep: Good lord, I miss the comfort of non-pregnant sleep.  I am still getting my hours in, but I wake up all the time.  Sometimes I can go back to sleep, sometimes the insomnia kicks in.  And turning over is hard with the belly.  But, part of my hypermesis drug regime is Unisom every night, so that helps me get at least 6 hours in.  Compared to life with a newborn, I am Rip Van Wrinkle. 
Best moment this week: Harper seeing the belly move and staring like I was an alien.  She is also pretty pissed that my lap is slowly whittling away and makes her opinion known. 
Movement:  All the time, and you can see the big rolls now.  A few times I have caught people staring in public.  It's getting a bit more painful now that she is so big, but still makes me smile.  And the hiccups are amusing but are full body shakes now as well. 
Food cravings: Cereal.  Pop tarts.  PB&Js.  And I would KILL for a glass of non-heartburn inducing Sav Blanc in this heat.
Food aversions:  Anything with a strong/ spicy smell or flavor.  I am liking the mild right now.  Not being too adventurous in my food choices because I don;t want to loose my dinner. 
Labor Signs: Some Braxton Hicks contractions, especially when I am particularly active or starting to dehydrate.  Nothing uncommon.
Belly Button in or out? Ummmm, flat?  Yeah.  I guess still in technically, but it is pretty much flattened. 
What I miss: Turning over without a major to-do, getting out of a sitting position without grunting, my lap, balance.  Wine on a hot day.  Being able to chase after Harper without getting winded.  
What I am looking forward to:  Well, the baby of course.  And introducing Harper to her sister.  But I am also looking forward to the weeks of Neil being home and us being together as a family of four. 

Pack it up, Pack it in...

I hate packing.  Maybe because I am all hyper-organized about it.  I must plan the trip before I can be sure that I have all the items I need.  Yes, this problem causes overpacking.  I have gotten better since H was born, and I started packing for two.  But still.  Packing is serious business.

Then there is moving-packing.  Completely different in strategy, but the same Type-A organizer problem for me.  Must have a plan before you can appropriately pack. We have done so many moves now- across the city, across the state, across the US- that we have learned quite a few lessons.

1- Do yourself a favor and clean out each room before packing begins.  Get rid of trash and donate, donate, donate anything you are not using or will not use.  

2- If it is a "maybe," donate it.  Period.  I cannot tell you how many boxes we have opened after living without for months and wondered why in the fricking frack we decided to move the rabbit trivet 2,400 miles to sit unused in yet another cabinet.  

3- Put like things together.  Makes boxes easier to put into the right rooms for unpacking, and makes labeling lots easier.

4- Label things.  I am admittedly a label fanatic (upon the gift of a fancy label maker, I once had too much to drink and labeled all items near me in our garage.  This included labels like "rake," "shovel," "dog," and "husband."  Husband was not as amused as I was).  In all seriousness, label boxes and totes with numbers and a description, make a master numbered list that includes said descriptions.  Makes everything much easier, and you can avoid having to reopen totes and boxes.  

5- Decide at what point the kitchen will be closed.  We usually go with a week, but this time chose ten days out.  We stocked drinks, light munchie items, kid food, and paper plates.  Everything else was either given away, eaten, or thrown out to allow for organizing and packing of the kitchen.  It is very difficult to prep an area you are still using three or more times per day. 

6- Divide what goes with you and what goes on the truck.  If you are simply moving across town, you need an overnight bag, maybe two days.  Across the state, maybe a weekend.  More than that, you need luggage and moving separated in a way that makes sense for however long you will be divided from the rest of your things.

Okay, now to explain the real issue with an overseas move. The categories were more numerous.  And involved what I am now calling "life math."  And I hate math.  And life math is like calculus you actually give a shit about.  

We had the following categories:

• Trash-  Well, duh.
• Donation-  Some given to specific people or just good old-fashioned Goodwill.
• Sell-  We had a small yard sale (thanks Mom and Dad for the assistance!) and did sell a few things online that were of a significant value.
• Luggage- Okay, luggage had to last for at least a month, perhaps up to 6 weeks.  And luggage was limited as to amount of bags, weight of bags, and size of bags.  YAY, airplanes.  Not to mention the week we spent living out of those bags while still in the states but without our house available to store them.  Plus all prescription meds and a good amount of toddler snacks.  And our "just in case nursing doesn't work out" formula mini-stash.  
• Air shipment- The company  paid for a shipment of 500lbs and a set cubic size to be shipped to us faster than our other materials.  This shipment had limits as to what could be in it as well- no prescriptions, no food (oops), no alcohol, no religious materials, etc.  
• Sea Shipment- The rest of what we wanted to move would be put on a slow boat to China.  Literally.  This stuff is expected to arrive win 8-10 weeks.  Everything we could live without for a time but would eventually need: large furniture pieces, stockpile of OTC meds, toiletries, and so on.  
• Storage- That which we are not moving, but want to keep for our return to the States.  Most expat housing is furnished, so we did not bring 90% of our furnishings.  Just Harper's room furniture, a couple small file cabinets, a desk chair, and a PBK Anywhere chair for H.  Also stored are our wealth of small electronics which are not valuable enough to purchase expensive transformers to use.  We did chose to move my sewing machines (sewing/ embroidery machine and serger) and our TV receiver/ Xbox system along with a large iMac monitor and docking station.  Those are worth a couple of transformers.  My KitchenAid mixer, unfortch, is not. 

Now, dear readers, can you imagine the massive undertaking this sorting and donating and throwing and selling and separating was?  Probably can.  Now imagine doing it in the middle of second trimester with a traveling husband (who did a ton of work when he was home) and an active toddler.  Luckily, I had a ton of rotating visitors to help and an excellent babysitter my daughter adores.  

Also, Neil was in town for two full weeks before the big moving day.  I had already done most of the selling, donating, and trashing (or had at least labeled materials as such for quick movement when he got home to do the lifting).  We worked and planned and figured out what went where.  We arranged for Harper to go down to Auburn and spend some time with her Nana and Pop about five days before we were set for movers to actually arrive.  Those days we went room by room, separating into piles and labeling everything we could pretty much from breakfast time to dinner.  It was tiring as hell.  

We scoured the airline rules for luggage.  Luckily for all involved, we had a seat for Harper paid for by the company.  Yes, business class.  Swanky, huh? 

Anyway, that allowed us two bags a person checked and two bags a person as carry-ons.  Plus, Neil's super diamond platinum bling-bling status got him an extra checked bag up to 50 lbs.  The other checked bags could be up to 70 lbs.  

Here is where life math kicked my ass.

So, I need to pack enough diapers in luggage to get me through to the air shipment arrives, then enough in air shipment until the sea shipment arrives.  Food can go in luggage and sea, but may not make it through customs for the air shipment. Toys.  We need toys on the plane, in checked luggage for the first amount of time in temporary housing, and then decide how much is needed in the air shipment versus sea shipment.  The air shipment needs to include a stash of materials for a newborn in case (heaven forbid) the baby comes early or the sea shipment is terribly delayed.  All prescriptions go into luggage, all liquids must be in the checked bags, not carry-on.  All valuables, paperwork and files, my jewelry, anything we did not trust to go into a shipment or checked luggage is in our carry-ons. Plus clothes and other supplies for a business man, his pregnant wife, and a growing toddler for 4-6 weeks worth of life in a foreign country and climate.  

Does your head hurt yet?  Mine did.  Life math sucks. 

But, we worked it out.  Originally, we bought totes to act as three of our checked bags.  The weight and the inability to secure the lids in a way we were comfy with caused us to go buy simple, heavy duty duffel bags at The North Face.  They worked GREAT.  We stuffed and sorted and weighed (bought a luggage scale.  Those things ROCK) until the packing made sense. 

Our giant pile of luggage before we loaded it all for the trip to the airport. 

Actual packing day was a breeze, expect the long hours.  Originally, we were going pack in two days, but they decided to do one long one.  Extra time sounded awesome to us, so we agreed quickly.  They movers were fast and professional.  Our extensive sorting and labeling meant that we did not have to do much at all.  We sat around, answered questions.  We had stocked the fridge with bottled water for the guys, and we ran out to buy them lunch.  Since we were staying in a hotel, our luggage was already out of the way.  It was well worth the work we had put in to the planning.  

Our house was full of boxes and well-wrapped furniture.  It was that day that everything became real for me.

So, that's the packing story.  Still working on a actual flight story recap and a few other back story posts.  

It's about time to turn in here, and I am glad to be finally hitting post on this one.  'Night folks!

{re}location, {re}location, {re}location

Okay, like I hinted at in my last post, I have many stories to go back and tell to catch up to the present day.  Since the easiest place to start is the beginning, that is where I'll go today.

Back in the fall of 2011, I was sitting on an audition panel for the winter play at the school where I once taught high school literature.  I freelanced as a producer for the preforming arts magnet after I decided to stay at home, and I really enjoyed still maintaining the relationship with the students and the theater program that I love.

I received a text from my husband during a break.  Text reads: How do you feel about Shanghai?

See, this is where you need a little backstory.  Neil and I had been discussing the possibility of moving overseas for years.  We knew that we were both open to the idea of moving for the right job, and my position as a teacher made it easy to hop from place to place while staying employed.

After our many domestic moves (like, 6?  maybe 7? since we were married in 2003), we knew that we needed a large town to be happy.  I told him that I was not interested in a country where women had to wear head scarves or were not afforded the same rights as men.  Other than those prerequisites, we decided to consider each opportunity as it occurred and make our choices based on what was right at that time.

I figured Europe.  Maybe South America.  I really never thought about Asia or China.  Then, that text.

My reply: I don't have a strong feeling one way or another.  Don't know much about it.

It came out during our conversation that Neil had been approached to see if he was interested in applying for a position for his company's Asia Pacific business unit, and that the position would involve travel but be centered in Shanghai.

My colleague for the auditions was very excited when I told him about the opportunity.  China had been on his bucket list for years, and he encouraged me to approach the idea with an open mind.

Lots of research ensued.  If I am honest, I waited to see how far the interviews would go before I got too in depth with my concerns.  But, they progressed quickly, and I had to catch up on my searches.  I saw a few things that had me concerned, but nothing completely turned me off the possibility.  My answer to Neil was that I would have to see it before I agreed to move there.

A few days later, we were invited to travel to Shanghai for a look-see visit and some final interviews.  Gulp.

Oh, and that is right about the time we found out we were pregnant again.  Harper had just turned one, and we were thrilled to be expecting again.  But expecting a baby AND moving to China?  Double Gulp.

We agreed to the look-see and scheduled it for early December.  I struggled with leaving Harper for a week, but there was no way to take her along for that short of a visit.  And I HAD to see the place before I would agree.  Good old Catch-22.

Neil and I got our first taste of the crazy long-distance flight and exactly what jet lag can do to a person (especially a person in her first trimester).  Shanghai impressed us.  The hotel at the Kerry was (and is) amazing.  Our dining experiences were all high-caliber.  We enjoyed the other expats we met.  And our concerns (water, air, hospitals and medical care, schools, etc) were all addressed, and the answers were pretty damn good.  We saw some housing that made us hopeful that we could find a place to live that we liked, even though we didn't find our place on that trip.

We liked it.

It was after that trip that I realized that Neil and I had switched from skeptical about the possibility to honestly hoping that he would get the job.  We found ourselves explaining to family and friends how different the experience of China is from the media portrayal of China.  (Example: Christmas carols were EVERYWHERE during our trip.  As were decorations and other holiday cheer.  Not exactly what we expected, but very cool).

Neil and I decided in the next few weeks that when/if the offer came in, we would make a choice based on the package offered.  Living well in China does unfortunately cost a good deal of money, and we would need to be sure that our housing allowance, insurance coverage, and other specifics in the offer allowed us the freedom to be comfortable in our new situation- and we found that you definitely pay extra for comfort.

I also added that I had two requirements: 1) I needed a second trip to China to square away giving birth and housing.  I agreed that if everything looked good at our anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks, I would rather move together and have the baby in China over remaining in the States without Neil for months and flying with a newborn and a toddler. To do that comfortably, I needed to meet with doctors and see hospitals before I agreed to move to China before the birth. As much as I hated to be away from Harper again, it had to happen.

And 2) I said that we needed to move together.  In the past, I had done some moves alone while Neil went ahead to a job in a different city (not the lifting, of course).  HUGE undertaking.  Not fun.  And with the added complications of pregnancy, a toddler to wrangle, and an overseas move, I was not interested in going it alone.  Neil understood and agreed with both of my stipulations.

We finally got an offer.  The details were even better than we expected.  The trip was agreed to.  Neil was able to confirm that he could travel during his transition and then be home a couple weeks before the move so I would have his support.

Then we said yes.

So folks, that is how it happened.  The entire journey from text to signed dotted line took about 4 months and lots of conversations and what if scenarios.  I'll go into more detail in some other posts about the packing process and research we did.

Now, I am going off to rest. Harper is happily napping away right now, and we are planning a family pool trip this afternoon.  Both she and Neil are finally feeling some relief from their colds, and we are slowly normalizing our time.  I promise to work in a few pictures in the next post for your viewing pleasure.

And so, it begins.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Yes, I just quoted Semisonic.  You shall have to get used to those kinds of references, dear reader.

Here it is.  The blog.  Finally.  

I arrived in Shanghai, China on Tuesday with my husband, Neil, and our toddler, Harper, to start our journey abroad.  We will be here for approximately three years, and we are expecting the newest member of our family, another daughter, in early August.

Yes, yes.  I moved to China with a toddler while 7 months pregnant.  

I'll just let that sink in a minute. 

There are many stories I need to go back and tell.  Making the choice to relocate. The insanity that is preparing for an overseas move.  The shopping and research.  Packing.  The actual flight.  And now, adjusting an 18-month-old to an 12 hour time difference.  We will get there.  

I have been putting off starting this blog for months, and, of course, I now regret that choice.  Luckily, I have been making notes and sending assorted emails so I should be able to document the journey thus far in a few recaps to catch you all up pretty quickly. 

But for now, this.  The first post.  Getting it started by simply stating my intent: I want to have a record of this experience, and I intend to use this blog to share with friends, family, and interweb strangers a smattering of our adventures.  

I will not give up the experience of these events for the sake of documentation, so sometimes posts will be delayed.  Honestly, some of the best posts are reflective in nature, and I am not just saying that to fit my procrastantory tendencies.  Swearsies.

I will not try to classify this blog to fit into a directory; I am a mother, thus "mommy blogging" will surely happen.  We intent to travel and explore and experience; therefore, travel information and observations will no doubt be shared. And I am sure this blog will serve as an outlet for my creative expression, and I anticipate a few posts about my emotional state of being and mental health. 

In other words, it will be whatever it needs to be, and I hope you enjoy the ride, dear reader.  I know that we plan on it.  

Soon, I'll get the specific content started, but right now? I'm taking a nap.